way down	mark the grave
	2 am
	drinking by the mausoleum door

12th of December

my name is nine (9) and my last name is winter. life has been so funny lately. especially this last week. when i was a kid, i saw a lot of weird stuff that's completely unexplainable. i spent most of it convinced i could float up to the sky. in my dreams, i'm able to push light out through my chest, and it mixes into my cells and banishes away the bad things. my fingertips tingle and it makes me wonder. i believe in time shifts. i want to write more music.

13th of December

right here we go. so three days ago i had my nightly graveyard walk near the church. i didn't see anything in the sky except stars, and the moon, but i saw a weird light speed by that i assumed was a shooting star. i saved a picture of it. now my neighborhood has drones flying around the sky everywhere. it's really freaky. i've been listening to police radio dispatch signals and looking at a lot of footage from all over the states. i have no idea what's happening. once it gets dark tonight, my roommates and i are going outside to find some more. are these aliens? our drones? the start of a war?

this reminds me of something that i wrote recently. clockwork fatality. a need for something to happen, even if it ends in blood.

22th of December

11:18 pm. just watched twin peaks:fire walk with me with my housemate. i was about to describe him an an "older alcoholic veteran" but describing a person is so weird. like obviously there's a million things about a person that you could say. or couldn't say. adjectives are weird. i don't know how to describe anything at all. but i chose those three-although constricting- because they have to do with this: we sat and watched twin peaks by the christmas tree. i feel like i'm floating around like a cloud during the holidays. kind of taking everything in and watching but never participating. i love twin peaks (dale cooper) but i haven't seen the movie. he was pretty drunk and started talking about some things that happened when he was serving in the war. i like listening to people. at least when it's nighttime. one of the things he told me was a story about a man being in a truck, and narrowly missing a bullet coming in the windshield by tilting his head. and the man started laughing to the passenger and saying 'look, i could tilt my head this way and be alive. i could tilt my head back, and i'd be dead' and he kept doing that until the guy told him to shut up. i feel like that sometimes. i know that's HUMANITY and how fragile we are. it reminded me of the clocks i'd see over peoples heads when i was little, counting them down until death, and how easy it is to die. i heard human bodies were more resiliant than they seem since your cells are constantly fighting for you but i've been around too much death to believe that. i told him about my best friend that died but i don't think he'll remember- that doesn't matter though. i don't like sharing things about myself with others (i know, DIGITAL DIARY right), but i like talking about my friend. like he's still here kind of. i mean no that isn't true, but a reminder of his existence. fire walk with me was devastating and i enjoyed it. actually that feels weird too. i don't think i enjoy the movies i like, i just feel them deeply. that sounds lame. i "like" things i connect with. is that kindergarten philosophy? would that be a bad thing? children make more sense than adults most of the time. last night i realized that i believe in god. i came to that conclusion because i was playing a game- detroit become human-, and when you're in the middle of a chapter and then exit to the menu screen, a survey pops up, about humanity and androids. one of the questions was "do you believe in god" and i was like, staring at the screen with my face real close to the monitor at 1 am and thinking. here's what i wrote in my notepad

" do you believe in god "

i always prayed to something since i was little

it's instilled in you to fear hell and to pray

i think i hate things that are instilled in you. like everything.

i want to find out for myself throughout my journey here on this world

as of right now..

yes

yes i believe in god

i have nothing to say about this anyway, no deep cool thoughts i fear. after that, i joined someones live and talked about music for like four hours. it was cool. i think i can talk about music for a year straight, i'm serious. i really love it. i've been dreaming about music since i was so little. i have a show coming up in january i'm excited for. excited to feel alive. this was a lame entry but drumroll here it is: TIME SHIFT. this was a time shift.